April First, Diamonds and Paperwork



This is one way to organize paperwork.  And it's branded "Diamond," the birthstone which begins April First.

The organization of paper makes me think of this story from last week:

Deep within the dozens of boxes of "misappropriated and recovered" government documents this year was found an "Official Presidential Order" written sometime during the waning days of 2020.  According to Avril Foulin, staff assistant at the National Archive's Stolen Document Recovery Department, the document—which may or may not have been officially processed—was found in a folder, clipped to commercial import invoices for "Chinese Antiq. Style PVC Ecomomy Fawcet (with high-gloss golden color sprayed)."  Interestingly, the presidential order under scrutiny may have been related to these cheap and tacky plastic bathroom fixtures.

The presidential order, as written, declares "that any antique style plumbing fixtures, whether antique or not, shall henceforth be deemed tax and duty free—if they are to be installed at any golf club or membership resort in New York, New Jersey, Southern Florida or Scotland."  This signed order endeavors to equalize (for tax purposes) any "Antique Style" plumbing fixtures (of any material) with true antiques (which, by traditional importation regulations, are 100 years old or greater).  

It appears that the unpaid invoice (for 240 plastic sink faucets and 125 bathtub fittings, at a cost of $17.50 each), were ordered to renovate the guest bathrooms at an unnamed property in Palm Beach, Florida.  Perhaps the original 1920's gilded-bronze fittings—designed by Joseph Urban for socialite Marjorie Merriweather Post—were determined to be insufficiently . . . bright and shiny?   The presidential order, clipped to the pending invoice (from Apro Fuels, LLC) included a handwritten Post-It note reading (all caps): PLEASE REMOVE THE HORRIBLE AND TOTALLY UNFAIR SALES AND IMPORT TAXES FROM THIS INVOICE AND RESUBMIT!!!  

In her statement, agent Avril Foulin reiterated the findings by her supervisor, Jess Joachin: "further investigation has revealed that suspect has already contracted local plumber, Beau Gus Brothers, to install the plastic fixtures on April First 2024."  

The original, discarded bronze plumbing fixtures will be collected by Florida sculptor Dawn T. Fore-Evert who has been commissioned to sculpt a life-sized, 6' 6" tall sculpture of an unidentified "Florida celebrity."  She will sculpt the model in her converted garage-studio in The Villages, before transporting the work to a professional foundry where the final bronze work will be cast.  The original bronze faucets will be melted-down and recycled into the heroic sculpture.  The artist would not reveal the name of the subject—"a Florida celebrity"—however, she did disclose her artistic and aesthetic inspiration: "the sculpture will be a cross between Raging Bull, Band of Brothers, and St. John the Evangelist—the disciple whom Jesus loved."

While no completion date or designated installation site was specified, the artist indicated, "I hope to have it finished by April First, next year—no fooling!"  She added, "they promised they will tell me the installation location around Wednesday, November 6th."  When asked if she has already been paid for her work, she took offense and said, "None of your beeswax!"  In the meantime, she continues to work on her most visible commission to date.

To learn more about the "K-Diamond" cast iron letter holder, shown above, please click on the photo.

Happy April First!


Though our Greenwich Village store is now permanently closed, LEO Design is still alive and well!  Please visit our on-line store where we continue to sell Handsome Gifts (www.LEOdesignNYC.com)

We also can be found in Canonsburg, Pennsylvania, at The Antique Center of Strabane (www.antiquecenterofstrabane.com).

Or call to arrange to visit our Pittsburgh showroom (by private appointment only).  917-446-4248